t Motivated, will it drag you down?

I am 35 years old and I am in ldr with my boyfriend who is 26 years old. We met online while playing video games on PS4 in April 2017. This is my first relationship and honestly I wasn't looking for love, as I had a tough life growing up with an overprotective dad and controlling that didn't let me out much. Also my dad mourned the loss of his brother (uncle) for 10 years which made life very difficult for my mom, my siblings and me.

I am educated and have a master's degree but still live with my parents. I was ambitious and had dreams like wanting to have a career, buy a house and then start a family. However, I was diagnosed rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia in 2010 and that changed everything I had to rethink my career several times this year I even finished an accounting course hoping to improve my prospects but I realized it wouldn't fit due to lack of part time positions. So currently I'm unemployed. My boyfriend dropped out of school because his father became very ill with cancer and died when he was 16. He never got any advice because the doctor just told him to get over it so I often feel like he had a rough start and it's not his fault because he didn't have the support I had. He lives in an apartment and is also unemployed.

At first I was very uncomfortable with our age difference and when we first exchanged photos I wasn't sure if I felt any attraction. He is aware of my medical conditions and accepted them and my OCD. He was more sure of me than I was of him and it made me feel bad. I told him how I felt, which made us both cry. I told him I was sorry and tried to pull away a bit, but I missed him so much and we started talking again. Last year after knowing him for about 5 months I asked for some space as we are partying everyday chatting via PlayStation from morning till late night He would expect that i stayed in the chat even if we weren't talking or doing different things like when i was watching tv with my mum after having some doubts after some disagreements i needed to see how i am felt and think about it. We agreed on the duration, but he broke that agreement when he saw that I was playing a game with another friend I met online. be jealousy. I'm not really sure. Anyway, a few alarm bells rang. Then, before the time was up for me, he messaged me to tell me that 'he was worried about his mother and that she was taking a test to check if she might have a disease. Fearing that his mother was seriously ill, pa nce he had told me that some of his family members on his mother's side also had cancer, I participated in a discussion with him to see if she was okay. Apparently she was fine and had no his result. The weirdest thing is that he never really talked about it after that. So I asked him once and he said everything was fine. Anyway Either I told him maybe we should slow down and stay friends to see how things go. He told me it was too late and we were past that. Fearing losing his friendship and not knowing if it was for me, we carried on as before.

Time passed and things got better between us, even though I had tried to be careful. We started talking about the future, about him moving to be with me, getting married, going to Disneyland for our honeymoon, to start a family. Then I realized that he had no passport or birth certificate. My mother, wanting me to be happy, called the passport office and the office of registration to help my boyfriend and even offered to pay for his birth certificate but he was stressed and said he would sort it out before he came.As for making a passport, I even offered to him to fill out the form online if that helped. All he had to do was give me the information and have two passport photos taken and signed. When we talked about him needing they be signed by people who had known him for two years and who were professionals. He said there was no really nobody. I suggested he could ask his doctor and/or dentist. He told me he doesn't really go to the dentist because there is nothing wrong with his teeth and that he hasn't been to the doctor since being told to recover from his father's death. Then he told me it wasn't that important we can go somewhere in London and he will have one later I was disappointed but then I thought he was right and as long as we we were together, it didn't matter, did it?

This year in August I made the effort to visit him in person I thought we would have the best time and my mom and brother came with me I paid for my boyfriend and we picked him up from his place he had never stayed in a hotel before and because it was my idea and I was in a better financial position as I was still living at home, it didn't bother me didn't mind paying for it. Mostly because he was the person I loved and potentially spent my life with if all went well. I also bought him a tote so he had something to wear. a change of clothes and toiletries, which I put in my suitcase. Once we got to the town where he lived, he met us on a random street because he didn't want us to pick him up at his apartment.I had a conversation with him about this a month before our visit.I asked for his address so we can pick him up. His response was that he will meet us somewhere else. I asked why and he got really defensive. I had also asked if I could send him a birthday card and he just told me to bring it when you come to visit because our visit date was a few days after his birthday.again i asked for a reason why he didn't want us to come where he lived and told him we wouldn't go inside and just wait outside.Then I started to think he was embarrassed by me.That's when he walked out. angry.He still couldn't answer me.Then I asked if it was because the neighborhood was not good.He said yes and proceeded to say he was just trying to get me protect. In my mind I kept wondering why he didn't say that. Anyway, I give up. I even ordered him a birthday cake and took presents for her 26th birthday. However, when we met, it was so different from what I imagined. He was socially awkward and quiet. It was nothing like I imagined. It was like we were strangers. He had looked a little different from his picture. He was much skinnier and he had started losing his hair and showed up in joggers that seemed too big for him and a hoodie. My mom and brother thought that 'he hadn't tried very hard because they said he could have at least trimmed his beard I overlooked those things, thinking it didn't matter because I fell in love about his personality and that he just didn't have the support that I had. This is the same guy who texted me 'good morning' and 'good night', asked me if I took my meds and said 'I love you'. However, I tried so hard to talk to her, as we have done many times before but he didn't say much. I couldn't understand.

On our first outing together, to the Giant's Causeway, my mom and brother even left us alone to talk. Even then, he wouldn't say much. There was a tour bus and I just said that there was enough space for him to walk on the path next to me and he just replied that he wasn't going to hit him.Also when a man asked us if we were from the tour I said "no sorry we are not". When the man left us my boyfriend said "do we look like ****** tour guides *?”. I just told him that the man was probably looking for the rest of his tour group. I was still very surprised at my boyfriend's reaction. The man wasn't rude and just posed a question. When we visited the causeway, I also slipped on the stones and even that was not enough for my boyfriend to check if I was okay. My mother was the first to notice and told me help.Pu is my boyfriend asked me if I was alright once my mom was a few feet away.The next day when we were alone he told me that his heart stopped when I fell.I I felt confused.If he was so worried why didn't he come to see if I was ok and help me up.I asked him about it when I got home because it bothered me. was bothering. He just said he didn't know if he had the right to touch me. For the rest of the trip, I felt like the one trying to start a conversation. would never really make eye contact and when he answered, it would be a very short answer.

When I got home and we talked in a group chat, he was back to his normal self. Apparently the reason he didn't talk much was that he was just shy. So since I'm returned from my trip, I feel more and more confused. He didn't make the best impression on my mother and my brother, because they think he didn't try very hard and so they felt that he was not for me. Mainly because he was socially awkward, they wondered how he could find a job. feels like I'm going to have to take care of my boyfriend. At the same time they said it was my decision.

I tried to ask him about the job and what kind of work he did. He just said there weren't many opportunities where he lived. I even asked what he resented going back to university to get GCSE English and Maths to improve his prospects and that I would support him. His response was why, he was not going to be a doctor anytime soon. I was taking driving lessons so I suggested maybe he could learn too. Then we could talk about it and help each other. He told me he couldn't learn to drive because he didn't. didn't like being told what to do. It also made me question our future together. I realized he didn't have much motivation. He said he wanted kids with me, but all i could think of was what kind of future would we give them? vant? Yes, but I thought that money was not everything and that if we loved each other, we would be able to support each other and motivate each other and go through anything.

Everything kept spinning in my head i.e. how my mom and my brother felt, how my boyfriend was in person and before I couldn't understand if we were meant for each other .Although my mother said that if I felt he was good for me, I wouldn't mind what other people thought.

I talked to my boyfriend about how I wasn't 100% sure of my feelings for him and didn't want to drag him down. I also suggested that maybe we could have a little time apart so I could see how I felt. His response was "No, you've had it before". As for not being 100% sure, he said "you'll never be 100% sure %' and 'why can't you just be happy....?'. Then when I explained that it wasn't fair to him if I wasn't 100% sure like he was to me his response was “you will regret it”. I think he meant that if I ended things with him I would not be happy. Then he said he was ok with the fact that i'm not sure and that somehow things continued as before, even though i didn't say "I love you" as much as before and i couldn't help myself to think that this situation was not fair for him and that I d I had to make a decision. I started feeling stressed and hurt thinking about it every day. Then my mom suggested to pray and trust God and enjoy each day and see what happens. So that's what I did.

Then the other day I was watching a movie and my boyfriend was playing his game. We were in a group chat as usual. Towards the end of my movie, he started playing music on his phone. I told him I was going to take my headphones off while I finished watching the movie. When I put them back on I told him that I felt he didn't respect that I was watching a movie and he could have listen to his music on YouTube without disturbing me. He said 'you've seen it before. You could write the script' and 'it wasn't even that loud'. I told him he knew how much I I was having trouble concentrating and was just trying to enjoy the movie. He started saying 'Well you shouldn't have rushed your game then you wouldn't be bored'. I told him that I wasn't bored.He went on like that for five minutes saying that I shouldn't have rushed my game and that it doesn't matter if he was playing music because I had already seen it .I told him he's the one who always tells me to stay in the chat.He replied that I was throwing that in his face.Apparently he was just teasing me, but I ended up saying "it's ok for you". If you don't play, just watch YouTube or go to sleep. I need more than that'. At that time he told me that he was joking and that sometimes I could be very naughty .I felt so bad and cried.I don't wish to hurt anyone.:( I apologized and he said he wasn't upset but then he said if that's what I thought really, he really didn't care. The truth is, that's what my boyfriend does. He plays games, watches YouTube, and even takes naps while we are in a celebratory chat together. He takes every day and seems content with life, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but maybe he's too laid back. Moreover, lately, it seems that he does not even listen to what I say when I speak to him. If I ask, if he listens, he'll say yes, you were talking about… When I realize he has no idea, I tell him not to worry. Then he keeps asking until I tell him. I confronted him about it and he told me it was my headset that was having the problem and he couldn't hear me. I also told him that it was like he wasn't trying too hard with me anymore. I know the distance makes it hard but we used to watch movies together. He said it's because there hasn't been much and he doesn't usually watch TV and he was the one who suggested we watch the last two movies we watched. Thing is, we only recorded them to watch because I suggested it. Then every time I ask if we should watch a movie, he says maybe tomorrow because he's watching YouTube .So he asked me if I wanted to watch something just to make a point.I said no because we were trying to chat and I was upset.Then my mom asked me if I wanted to watch something with her.I said ok.So my boyfriend got mad at me because of it.He told me he wasn't upset, but I could tell.He had his mic turned off and usually he would always tell me when he was going away from the cat to get food or go to the toilet as I told him. This time there was nothing, even no message. When the movie ended and my mom went to bed I tried to talk to him but thought he might be upset so he didn't answer. I left the chat and decided I was tired anyway. Also my mom had noticed I was upset earlier and said maybe we just needed some time away from each other.Then he texted me saying he didn't hear me because he was eating.I replied saying 'it's ok, please please don't worry.i'm tired.go get some sleep.see you tomorrow.xxx'.he replied "it's not fair how you treat me i didn't do anything i went to get some food and I came back and said hello but you left. I didn't answer thinking it was late and we'd probably end up saying things we'd regret. I considered talking to him the next day , but I remembered what he said to me when We had a disagreement before. He said 'I'm not going to run after you.'

Anyway, sorry for the long post Laurie. I just needed to get this out somewhere. As for your article, my story is on point, as my mom and brother both feel like my boyfriend is going to pull me down because of his lack of motivation but sometimes i feel like they are too close to the situation i thought loving me would motivate him to want to do something for us to have a better life together.I tried to accept a lot of things, but he's starting to feel like he doesn't want to meet me halfway and is happy with his life.Besides, since I came back from meeting him, before we had our disagreement, i can't help but think if he moved to be with me, how could he get a job if he doesn't like being tell you what to do, get angry if you ask him something he has already told you and he has no ambition...?

God bless you Laurie and thank you. I think you are doing an amazing thing helping people.

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